hi, i’m listening to the most awfully gay song on the face of this earth and i’m likin it. Akon, need i say more, na na na na. HAHAHA.
The more i shut myself up, the more i keep to myself, the more i ignore everything that’s going on outside in the world, the more i ignore everything WRONG that’s right infront of me, the more i run away, the more i continue harming myself in a way that only i would understand, the more i act as if nothing is wrong, the more i let things remain tangled and messy, the more i find myself feeling hopeless & the more i find myself here.
in this same chair, at this same spot, in the same state of mind, feeling the same sickness, feeling the same dejection, all the drama, all the self pity. its sickening. Hopeless.
Why can’t we just remain in that particular week, the particular one where i woke up to sunday morning fruit loops and the donald duck murals on my living room wall, the one where i watched old school Scooby Doo, the one where my sister was force fed green mush (which stank) by my grandmother who was there everyday, the one where the display unit had the most beautiful horses made of glass belonging to one Uncle Sunny who called me Tashita (he lived with us), the one where i watched Growing Up with my brother while secretly competing to finish our individual packets of cheezles the slowest, the one where my uncle came over in the afternoon and he made step on him so that his backache would go, the one where i would take naps with my mother and tell her about that particular day at School, the one where i was fine and i didn’t know the meaning of secrets and pain and worry and all these things that haunt me..
i’m fine. i just got my period so i’m not dieing or anything, everything’s good. i don’t know why i’m proclaiming this fact on the world wide web but yeah who reads the crap i churn out anyway. this is my only outlet so i deserve this channel (using communication history words here, i don’t know if you notice) to lay out my woes.
No, i’m not fine actually. I have something i need to tell, but i don’t know if there’s anyone in this world i can tell it to.
I know what’ll make me feel better. A Soundtrack, yes that’ll do.
