he doesn’t look a thing like jesus, but he talks like a gentleman, like you imagined when you were young.

Then you drove me to places i’ll never forget.

There are some dark fugitive emotions being harbored against my will at the back of the back of neck where my spine is. Loneliness, is underrated. I’m actually mildly surprised at how much i actually hate this warped solitary world I’m in right now. I go through the motions, i smile, i thank you and i’m grateful for everything that sits infront of me, this table, this laptop (that is not mine), this friendly caretaker that i love to bits, this great company i’m working at, my colleagues that touch me with their hospitality and concern, this new opportunity to juice my brain for all its worth & more, this determination to do it neem, on your own dammit (well, it comes and goes), these next few months that are supposed to mold me into.. something – but what makes me want to curl up into an obscure ball every blinking moment that i’m here is the simple fact that i cannot for the life of me stop myself from feeling so alone it’s pathetic. I can’t think of anything else but just this. I fall asleep next to pillows that don’t talk, i have conversations with people i meet along the way that make me realise how i’m disappearing into this routine, I go numb when i think of all the people i wish could be here to feel the cold wind with me…

Maybe tomorrow will be a better day, maybe it won’t. For now though, i’ve got to mend my upset stomach.

where’d you come from you’re out of this world to me.

Jo Tham Le Woh Haath Toh…

I almost drank a baby cockroach today. Kinda still feel its nimble casually mega tic-tac like form on my tongue. Not nais, not nais at all. All the boys and girls have rolled into their afternoon naps in preparation for our night out later (on the rocks) but i’m feeling very zen here, at this cosy corner of our corridor with sleep somewhere at the back of my mind. I should really stop eating eggs every morning.

Jigsaw falling, into place.

Read a very interesting Indian play called Nagha Mandala aloud in class. I seduced Frau; Winner winner chicken dinner! Dude, the freakishly tempestuous internet connection here has got to be whipped on its ass & taken riverrside right nao because i’ve just about pulled out more hairs than possible in this span of a gargantuanly world wide webless week i think. Looks like we’re all settling in good. Getting into the momentum of waking up before falling asleep properly for strangely fulfilling aerobic lessons, crossing crazy (yo mama she go crazy) reeeedonkulous roads filled with gallons of vehicles with super strides, finding a regular eating spot (and bobby!) serving some kinda awesome food that is making my stomach ooh feel hot and spicy right now & … having a hindi song stuck in my head (who’s the hotttest girl in the wooorrrld?) instead of shot shot shot shot shots! Very nais, this country is a mystical onion (i like onions now) and we be peelin and feelin’ it.

Didn’t i give you everything, in return for a memory

dustland fairytale villages, muscial lighters, rooftop lightups, cottage cheese and ridiculous traffic. This is it, i’m in india now!

wow i’m lookin at a freshly uploaded monterrey 2010 exchange photos and bawling my eyes out. Sharpen knife, stab hole, slash downwards, fucking repeat, repeat, repeat.

All the girls standin in the line for the bathroom.

The day will come when children will argue over who will win a fight – me or superman.

Well, I just dance the way i feel.

There’s gonna be one less lonely girllllll, i’m comin’ for you. The truth is, this boy is muy muy muy adorable ha ha ha. Leavin the country in 2 days… kinda sick of all the “you should do this” / “you shouldn’t do this”/ “you better not do this” / “you’ll die if you do this.” crap that people are piling on me because oh my god shut up, shut up, shut up?? I can take of myself man – contrary to all kinds of uncalled for popular belief. i abhor the way no one has any faith in me and its getting old, i will punch that nose off your face and then some so kindly, leave me the fuck alone thanks. I’m going to do this my own way so if you’ll please move over.

There now, steady love, so few come and don’t go, will you; won’t you, be the one I always know. When I’m losing my control, the city spins around. You’re the only one who knows, you slow it down... I’ll look after you